Twenty Years

Twenty Years

And now I feel the loneliness
Those hands all over my body
That pleasure that’s been absent for 365 days

And I just have that taste
Of painful resurrection
Its too many changes that I just wasn’t expecting

They’ve talked about searching the one
Well I’ve found him and lost him to divine intervention
I couldn’t be more proud, couldn’t be more excruciating

Now I have this new mix
Of physical animal excitement
I’ve been so out of touch with my own body

It’s so clear now
How sex can’t fill the void
It just makes me miss the tenderness of love

How I just wanted to get lost in his body
I almost said yes, I could’ve forgotten for a couple of hours
But now I’d be drowning in the saddest of tears

It’s like I lost my hope
It’s been too long that I’ve waited for my miracle
Now I’m empty all over again

No passion for anything, no dreams that I can reach
I’m desperately reaching out, searching and searching
And I know I’m always going to be broken

I keep asking when is it going to my turn
Selfishly I’m tired of giving and giving
When do I get a taste of what every body else has?

For now sin goes deeper
My belief is now professed
Yet I feel I have not failed

What if I cant save my tears for some one who believes?
I truly did give up, but some how I hold on to beautiful expectations
If I could only trade it all, give it all for something real

I’m tired, exhausted from getting myself back
I want to scream, I want to go back to the habit
I feel the darkness arise; I see a different form this time